Pirate vs Pirate Read online

  WRITTEN BY Mary Quattlebaum

  ILLUSTRATED BY Alexandra Boiger

  Text copyright © 2011 by Mary Quattlebaum . Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Alexandra Boiger . Cover illustration

  © 2011 by Alexandra Boiger. All rights reserved. Published by Disney . Hyperion, an imprint of Disney Book Group.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

  recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher.

  For information address Disney . Hyperion, 125 West End Avenue, New York, New York 10023.

  Designed by Elizabeth H. Clark

  ISBN 978-1-368-00444-2

  Visit www.disneybooks.com

  To Christopher, a true treasure of a guy.

  Here be the pirate tale ye craved.

  —M.Q.

  To Andrea, the Italian pirate in my life

  —A.B.

  Bad Bart was the biggest,

  burliest pirate this side of the Atlantic. But he

  wanted to be the biggest, burliest pirate in the

  world. And the richest.

  So one day he roared, “Hoist anchor,

  me hearties. Raise high the flag.

  We sail till I be the best.”

  Meanwhile, another pirate tapped her

  gold tooth and squinted out to sea.

  Mean Mo was the maddest,

  mightiest pirate this side of the Pacific.

  But am I the maddest, mightiest

  pirate in the world? she wondered.

  And the richest? So she set sail to find out.

  The earth being round, the two met in the middle.

  “Ahoy and avast!” roared Bad Bart. “Swing aside

  and let me pass.”

  “Swing yerself, ye scurvy dog!” Mean Mo

  roared right back.

  Bad Bart blinked. He wasn’t used to back talk.

  He tried again:

  “I be the biggest,

  burliest—”

  “And I be the

  maddest, mightiest,” Mean Mo interrupted. “I’ll not

  move for a rogue like ye.”

  “Rogue, am I?” Bad Bart

  spat. “Deck swabber.”

  “Grog swiller.”

  “Landlubber.”

  “Bilge rat.”

  “Sea skunk.”

  “Gentleman,”

  Mean Mo sneered.

  “Lady.”

  Such insults! Bad Bart stomped off to his

  quarters, Mean Mo to hers. They sulked and stewed for two

  whole days before they came out again.

  “Mean Mo, ye be gettin’ one more chance,”

  Bad Bart hollered. “Will ye swing aside, or no?”

  “Never!” roared Mean Mo.

  “Ready the cannons, men!”

  “Wait a minute, Cap’n,” piped up Bad

  Bart’s rowdy crew. “Blowin’ holes in the

  ships won’t do.”

  Mean Mo’s rascally crew agreed. “Ye

  need to figure this out fair and square,

  just the two of ye.”

  “A race!” Mean Mo challenged. “Unless ye

  be scared of a few wee sharks.”

  “Bring on the sharks!” Bad Bart roared.

  “At least their teeth be straighter than

  yours.”

  They wore out twenty sharks.

  And at the end of three whole days . . . ?

  A tie!

  Both crews agreed.

  “I call for another contest.” Bad Bart

  puffed out his chest. “Can that girly arm throw

  a cannonball?”

  In answer, Mean Mo grabbed one and hurled it . . .

  far out to sea.

  Plop!

  Bad Bart grabbed and hurled.

  Plop!

  Tie!

  This went on for four whole days,

  till they ran out of cannonballs.

  Then there was mast climbin’.

  Tie!

  Arm wrestlin’.

  Tie!

  And even hardtack eatin’.

  Tie!

  Well, Bad Bart may have been the biggest, burliest pirate,

  but, clearly, Mean Mo was the maddest and mightiest.

  ’Twas only one contest left.

  It was time for a treasure count.

  The crews poured out grog and

  settled on deck.

  Bad Bart dragged up his

  treasure chest.

  Mean Mo cracked her lock.

  1, 2, 3 . . .

  4, 5, 6 . . .

  Such shine and sheen, such glitter and gleam.

  47, 48, 49 . . .

  62, 63, 64 . . .

  Piles of gold and jewels, mounds of rings and belts and crowns.

  782, 783, 784 . . .

  835, 836, 837 . . .

  Finally, Bad Bart leaned back and gasped, “1,953.”

  “1,953?” Mean Mo shrieked. “That means you—”

  “—are the richest?” Bad Bart grinned.

  “—are tied with me!” yelled Mean Mo. “I have

  1,953 treasures, too.”

  Bad Bart stared at Mean Mo. He took in her mean green

  eyes and gold tooth. He thought of her mad hair and mighty

  muscles. Why, that lass could outswim sharks. She could heave

  cannonballs as big as his fist.

  He fished a tiara from the top of his pile. “Uh, hum,”

  he muttered shyly. “This be a little gift.”

  Mean Mo stared at Bad Bart. She took in his bad black

  beard and crooked nose. She thought of his big chest and burly

  arms. Why, that man could climb masts and gobble hardtack

  like no one she’d ever seen (except herself).

  Mean Mo grabbed a jeweled belt. “Er.”

  She dug her toe into the deck. “This

  be a present from me.”

  Here be a ring.

  Here be a brooch.

  Here be a

  necklace.

  Here be a coin.

  Here be twenty dollars.

  Here be thirty.

  Forty.

  Fifty.

  Such a frenzy of sharing! Bad Bart and Mean Mo flung

  gems and coins and pins and crowns and rings till, when the

  air cleared . . .

  . . . each had all the piles and mounds

  and treasures of the other.

  Tie!

  “Why, Bad Bart.” Mean Mo

  threw back her head and laughed. “Ye

  be a jewel of a man.”

  Bad Bart swept her a gallant bow.

  “And ye be brighter than gold,

  me beauty.”

  Well, there was naught to do but tie the

  knot. Bad Bart and Mean Mo roared,

  “I do!”

  so loud that they shook all the sharks.

  Their crews threw hardtack and sang

  sea chanteys and sent that bride and groom

  off in fine style.

  They honeymooned at the Blue Lagoon.

  And now, me hearties, when ye sail the seven seas, be

  on the lookout for Bad Bart and Mean Mo. They be the

  biggest, maddest, mightiest, burliest couple this side of

  the Atlantic and the Pacific.

  Listen close. Hear the sweet sayin’s they croon?

  Yer nose be

  red as a ruby, me

  little treasure.

  And yer teeth

  shine like emeralds,

  me nugget.

  Aarrrr!

 


 

  Mary Quattlebaum, Pirate vs Pirate

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